Measuring tape binds the chest, waist, and neck, providing one of the most awkward hugs ever received. “Lift your arms.” All this fuss over a fancy coat. “Try on this jacket.” All the charade and parade to look presentable standing in front of the wedding. “Is that too tight?” Of course it’s too tight! Usually, men do not find themselves this close to other men.

These thoughts, among others, filled my mind during a recent suit-measuring process. Most guys go through this a few times: weddings of close buddies from home or a handful more through the college years. I’ve stood in this position around twenty times, and each experience yields similar thoughts.

First, I always think about my distaste for formal dress. The first suits I purchased, during high school, were for a jazz band performance and a preaching competition. Yes, for the curious reader, those were separate events. Those first two suits, and almost every subsequent suit, never fit just right. Adding my informal demeanor to my portly physique, you find a gentleman who never feels comfortable in dress clothes.

My second thought is something akin to, “Is my relationship with this friend worth the awkward shake-down I’m receiving from the stranger at Halberstadt’s?” So far, they’ve all passed the test; I’ve never declined an awkward fitting by the tailor after deeming a friend unworthy of the struggle. In fact, the friends with which I’ve been the most uncomfortable in life are sometimes the same ones for which I’m suiting up. The dark and painful memories, as well as the bright and fun, lead to these fittings. We enjoy friends who are fun, but we truly love the friends with whom we’ve walked dark valleys.

My third thought is a reminder that fellowship with a newly-married friend morphs, similar to how the suit will be tailored to fit me. His wedding to his bride necessitates a break from previous ties. I did not realize this truth at the first few weddings, but time has demonstrated the results of marriage: friendships get tailored too! His new stewardship of marriage must take precedence over the relationships with his closest friends. His priorities, interests, and cares have changed. In a God-ordained and blessed way, the friend is a new man.

Understand that while this might sound negative, the fact that friendships change should delight the soul. In Christ and the Church, we are never stuck where we were. New people and seasons of life provide opportunities for growth. Most wedding guests expect this for the bride and groom, but weddings present sanctification and transformation to the bridesmaids and groomsmen, too!

The transformational fellowship of Christian friendship should weep and ooze from a wedding party as all rejoice in God’s glory in his uniting of bride and groom. These occasions deserve the highest celebration as a new home and family covenant to display Christ together. Weddings are joy and solemnity, blended in fine arrangement, beautiful bouquets, and tailored attire. Formal dress suits the wedding well.

All weddings deserve our best dress, but my most recent fitting draws more of my attention. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been in my fair share of weddings. Childhood friends, college roommates, church members, and ministry friends fill the list. Each of these men and I shared fellowship over differing things: proximity, entertainment choices, faith, etc. Many were peers or men whom God allowed me to disciple. Each friend is special and loved.

Again, my most recent wedding and its groom possess a rare blend of fellowship. Of all the weddings God has placed me into, only one of those grooms was a former college professor. God saw fit to purge Andy by fire, putting me and a few other first-year Greek students under his tutelage during his first semester as a college professor a little over a decade ago. Over the years, I had many classes with Mr. Stearns. I have learned much from him, but I see now that a decent chunk of my education took place outside the classroom.

At some point, “Mr. Stearns,” my Greek professor, was gone, and I found Andy, a friend. At some further point, he was no longer just a friend, for he had distinguished himself from many others. This phenomenon is quite strange, considering we never have attended the same church. Old books and podcasts have some magic to them!

I would be remiss to neglect the many painful and uncomfortable parts of friendship with Andy (and Tim). We are on the cusp of posting our 200th episode. The three of us have spent a lot of time together recording, and it hasn’t always been sunny. We want friendships to always feel nice and comfy, but they sometimes feel like an old suit. When this happens with clothes, it’s probably okay to get new ones. When conflict happens with friends, we should be a bit more careful before we get refitted.

Consider this passage from Ecclesiastes:

Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

These verses are commonly present at weddings and applied to marriage, which is fine. Do they not also apply to true friendship? As I looked forward to standing at Andy’s wedding, I realized that our closest friends suit us, and we suit them. Sometimes, the reasons are tangible, but others simply result from God’s hand of grace through the Word and His Spirit. The formal, fitted moments of our lives remind us of what matters; weddings and funerals teach us deep wisdom about life under the sun.

Your friends are a part of, if not the reason for, many important moments. Friendship often feels the same as suit fitting: uncomfortable, too close, vulnerable, revealing, etc. These uncomfortable moments in our relationships are standard, just the cost of doing business with friends. An uncomfortable meeting with a tailor would not be a suitable reason to turn down a wedding invitation, and similar discomfort within relationships should not lead us away from people but closer to them. We need uncomfortable and changing friendships to grow as Christians.

All friends are gifts from God to us. Close, like-minded Christian friends bring out the fullness of who we are and teach us more about our God. These are the friends to get dressed up for and celebrate with. These friends will weep with you when you weep and rejoice with you when you rejoice. Celebrate with these sorts of friends because, usually, men do not find themselves this close to other men.